This year I said No to New.

Something old, something new, something true.

Sometime around the end of October every year I begin to dream a bit and give some thought to what my upcoming Word of the Year will be.

But not last year.

Sure, words popped in and out of my mind, but nothing felt right.

I got a little nervous.

In years past, as a new year would begin to take shape, I would often notice little breadcrumb-like connections to my WOY. This word, guided me at times like one of those ropes sent into caves to help people find their way out. I would grasp hold of the rope, my WOY, and let it guide me through the year. Well, let’s be real, through the first quarter.

Going rogue into a new year without that guide didn’t feel...

Safe.

When late December came into view I began to feel the movements of the Spirit in my heart and it seemed that He was doing something different with this word tradition I held so dear. What He was up to, I had no idea. If He was doing something new, I would be excited. But different? It just felt, meh.

I found little pockets of time to sit in stillness to listen.

Where are we going Jesus?

Isn’t it unproductive to not plan out my new year?

What if I don’t accomplish anything this year?

Each question exposed a part of my heart and my motivation for being motivated.

As I spent time in sessions with my Spiritual Director and took stock of life’s effects on my soul, I became aware of a deep exhaustion within. Somatic sensations in my being began to tell me a story that was all too familiar. The moral of the story was, it was time to let my soul catch up with my body.

To feel, to see, to listen, to taste, to smell, to BE PRESENT.

As someone who recharges through solitude, I often feel like I’m already taking life pretty slow. Though my slow is most people’s speeding ticket.

How could I possibly slow down more?

How could I let go?

If I slow down, won’t I do less? Shouldn’t I do more? Help others more? Write more?

Let. Go. Amy.

In the past two years, as I went full blown menopausal, (anyone???) so much changed. My body, my face, my pace. I don’t look the same or feel the same. Some of that has been good but other parts of that journey rocked my ever-loving world. This was not a bandwagon I ever saw myself on. Naive girl.

Like most of my knee-jerk responses, I fought back. Reading articles, doctor visits, weight loss programs, books, podcasts, following pertinent others on Insta. All of it. You know where it left me?

Tired.

Let. Go. Amy.

Let the fields rest, dear one. You’ve fought so hard, for so long to fix something very natural. Let it be. Rest. All will be well.

One of my greatest life-givers are my relationships. I love and I love hard! I want to fix what isn’t working and work to make things better. Audiobooks, therapy, long conversations, prayer, tears, time, reaching out, being available. I did and do it all. You know where it often leaves me?

Weary.

Let. Go. Amy.

Breathe. See what is going well. Be grateful for it. Say so. Love, but always put the oxygen mask on yourself first, or you’ll never be alive enough to help the ones you love.

Beloved, are you like me? Do you strive and try hard to be the best in every way, yet often have seasons where you feel as if you are coming up for your last deep breath before going under again?

Let. Go.

Does your mind spin trying to figure things out? Fix them? Make them better? Make them right?

Let. Go.

Do you worry you are not a “good” Christian? That God is disappointed with where you are in your spiritual life?

Let. Go.

Take a moment and stop. Close your eyes and imagine Jesus standing before you.

See His hand reaching for you.

Hear Him say, “Come to me, weary one and I will give you rest.”

As you step forward taking His hand, hear Him say,

“What do you want me to do for you?”

Tell Him. Cry out to Him.

Say the things. Don’t keep anything inside from the One who lives there.

I have no idea what that experience will look like for you or what it will take for you to let go, but your Savior does. And Spirit is ever ready to come beside you and walk through life hand-in-hand. Until all that you hold is held by Him.

As always my Substack readers receive a discounted rate on Spiritual Direction Sessions. If you are considering Spiritual Direction as a spiritual practice at this time in your life, you can access my availability here.