There are days I come before you and I feel like it’s not enough.
Not enough to just sit with you.
To just be held in your gaze. To be under Your wings.
My flesh wants to do.
Do something to show I am worthy to be in this space with you.
To prove my devotion.
Should I pray? Should I listen?
Should I speak? Should I read Your Word?
My body feels apprehensive. My stomach turns a bit.
Fear and worry of choosing unwisely rise up within me.
But You are not a stranger to me.
Your my Abba. You know me.
Before You formed me in my mother’s womb I was known already, by You.
You had already set me apart.
Not set apart to fear. Not set apart to worry.
But set apart for Your good pleasure.
And Your pleasure is to hold space and time, with me.
That You even think of me!
And yet in the deepest recesses of my being I know that You are perfectly content to just be with me in the silence.
That is what my soul needs most.
To simply be with One who knows me completely, One with Whom words are not required.
Gift is simply soaking in being known.
Being loved. Being chosen. Being wanted.
Being delighted in.
My soul needs to be in that space where for once no expectations lie in wait.
No needs be reciprocated.
Just the humility of receiving opens the door to the greatest knowing of my life.
Lord, teach me to receive.
Teach me to trust that I can rest in You.
And that this rest is truly enough for me and for You.
Copyright 2024, Amy Brady
Many of the souls that come to me for Spiritual Direction, carry a burden placed upon them along the way that says there is a “right” way to be a Christian. Or a “right” way to spend their time alone with Him. Jesus does not ask us to micromanage our time with His Spirit. I urge you to release that burden, as the Father’s way is alway simplicity and an unburdening. I encourage you to sit with these questions a while and meditate upon the ways we needlessly burden our relationship with Love.
Do you seek time with God but feel like you are not doing it “right”? What do you suppose causes you to feel that way?
What have you been taught by others or the Church about time with God? How often are you encouraged to seek this time? What are you encouraged to do during this time?
Have you ever considered doing nothing during this time? What would it feel like to just sit still, maybe a warm cuppa in our hands and align your breath with His and simply enjoy the silence? Would that feel nourishing for you or would it feel uncomfortable to sit in silence, let alone silence with God?
How do you feel your mind and soul could benefit from a simpler approach to time with God? What if out of the silence you began to feel the movement of the Spirit within you, guiding you in how to spend that time? What if in that silence you began to sense the Spirit of Jesus talking with you as a friend? Perhaps you could stop and imagine that now.
If you have time, journaling these thoughts may be helpful in processing them further. If you can’t journal, maybe talking out loud to God or within your Spirit would help you to continue to think through the idea of soaking in the Presence of God as the gift and not always feeling you must have something to produce or show for your time with Jesus.
Imagine dropping the burdens of how to spend time with God and instead embracing being with Him, trusting Him to guide your time.
*Artist: “Yongsung Kim spent his youth in the beautiful countryside of Korea, and still resides in Korea today. The main theme of his work are primarily Jesus Christ and Christianity. In a world with an increasing culture of violence and darkness, Yongsung Kim wants to shed the light of Jesus Christ to a new generation. Rather than the world’s often heavy and grim depiction of Jesus Christ, Yongsung Kim focuses on a bright, loving, and beautiful idea of Jesus Christ, utilizing portrayals of familiar scenes of nature to help it enter the heart of the observer.”
Love your guided meditations always. 🥹